Dear Fitness Instructor…

January 25, 2017

Flexibility dear fitness instructor...

January 1

Dear Fitness Instructor,

Thank you so much for your encouragement!  I am excited to begin this journey towards better health / fitness / pant size!  Your boot camp / yoga / spin class sounds right up my alley and I can’t wait to turn myself into a Badass / yogini / Lance Armstrong look-alike. I mean, before he did all those performance-enhancing drugs.

Speaking of which, do you recommend supplements? I stocked up on protein powder / kombucha / Red Bull. How do you suggest I best fuel up for the workouts? I was thinking of a protein shake / energy bar / double espresso. Because I don’t want to bonk!

I love that you said you can individualize the class to all participants. So, I think it would be good for you to know a little about me: I’m not really into weights / push-ups / burpees. Lifting heavy things makes my back / knee / groin hurt.  Also, I don’t like to sweat.

I am fully ready, though! I already bought a FitBit / personalized yoga mat / Air Forces. I have some awesome Athleta after-wear too. I’m breaking in the clothes running errands around town. I feel fitter already!

I have a lot of questions and I know you said just to show up and give it a try, but I think I’ll feel better if I get answers before the first day. Maybe we can meet for a chat / coffee / venti mocha latte?

See you then!


January 26

Dear Fitness Instructor,

I haven’t yet been able to get to the trial class. I had an overload of work / errands / Cheetos. Also been suffering a bit from migraines / indigestion / lady problems. I really want to feel 100% ready to go when I walk in that door!

Thank you for sending that suggested meal plan. I should tell you that I don’t eat eggs / grains / fruit.  I don’t care for spinach or kale. How’s romaine / iceberg / potato salad instead?

Also, plain water makes me gag. In lieu of that, I’ve substituted Diet Coke / margarita mix / Pinot Grigio.

I feel like once I lose weight / lose inches / get in shape, then I’ll be ready to hit the gym!  I’m working on it!

See you then!


March 18

Dear Fitness Instructor,

Thank you for your reminder that my free 90-day trial period ends this month. I’ve really wanted to get started but I didn’t want to battle the crowds / traffic / snowplows. You know how gyms are after the first of the year with all of those semi-committed New Years’ Resolution people! Me? I’m in for the long haul!

I’d like to take advantage of the final weeks but I have to take my son to basketball / swim team / Boy Scouts. My daughter needs me to drive her to dance / Starbucks / the mall. And our dog needs to be walked / groomed / get fixed. It’s so hard fitting in workouts!

Plus, it’s been so cold / windy / rainy. I know once we have warmer weather, I’ll be ready to run!  I lost my FitBit though, do you recommend I buy another / Apple Watch / Rolex?

So, if you could please extend the free offer for the rest of the month / season / year, I’d be most grateful. Getting in shape is very important to me and I am fully invested!

See you then!

Pexels engin akyurt 2531195 dear fitness instructor...

sometime in July

Dear Fitness Instructor,

I saw your ad for summer outdoor workouts. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to take advantage of your great classes yet. I’ve been busy with housework  / kids / lounging by the pool.

And, our hamster / long-lost family friend / Aunt Sally died. So there’s that. Also, Prince died. Some few years ago. Some days I’m just too sad to exercise.

I’m not big on the heat / humidity / sun, so do you think it’s just better if I wait until fall?

See you then!

December 31

Dear Fitness Instructor,

I’m sorry to say that despite your promises, I don’t really feel like your training regimen worked for me this year. The difficulty was finding a convenient class time / route to the gym / way to get out of bed. And now I’d have to battle all of those New Year resolution-makers and I think it will be too crowded / loud / energetic for me.

Maybe we should consider some one-on-one training instead? Want to get together for a chat / coffee / venti mocha latte to discuss?

See you then!

Valerie gordon old headshot dear fitness instructor... Valerie Gordon is a writer, presenter, and former award-winning television producer. She doesn’t actually drink venti mocha lattes. The founder of The Storytelling Strategist and the author of “Fire Your Narrator! A Storyteller’s Guide to Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Life,” Valerie speaks at conferences and works with corporations to help audiences discover the Art of Storytelling for Impact and Influence. Read her other humor articles here

Blog Archive